Of Douchebagels, glasses and epic besties
by Holmes1216
Summary: Take a look into Dorcas Meadowes head. Enjoy her inner monologue as she and her worst enemy work together so they can avoid the crisis of the century! CRACK


Walk, walk, walk. Don't stop, head down, be quiet. Keep going. Just get back to my room, ignore all the morons. Ignore all the teachers. Ignore the creepy, pervy, twinkle eyed, ginger bearded, lemon drop junkie, who wears banana and baseball robes. Dumb-bore. Ignore Snape the greasy, grudge holding, dark arts obsessed, Lily Evans stalking, shampoo hating grease monkey. Ignore weirdy cat lady whose hair is probably a wig because no one can make a bun that intimidating. Ignore werewolf who is so madly in love with Black the idiot it's not even funny. Ignore Malfoy who uses way too many grooming products to be legal let alone healthy. Ah right. Common room portrait hall. Password is... Um...

"Braveheart?" YEAH! Go me! Haha, suck on that you greasy little-

"Hey Meddos!" For gods sake Potter get the name right. Pathetic little black haired douchebagel.

"Oi! Bitch! James was speaking too your." ooh! another whiny black haired douchebagel, except this one really is the most annoying, bitchy, crackhead Ive ever had the misfortune to meet.

"Yeah, bitch, James was speaking to you!" and now the small, ratty, nasty, smelly, crappy, idiotic, stupid nardbucket. jesus christ man, use your tiny brain! God his whiny little voice makes me retch. All most as much as... Oh god, here she comes Perfect. Wonderful. I should stand taller, she would respect me more if I stood taller. Or maybe not. Yeah that isn't really working out for me. Anyway, might as well go to the library, staying in this place sure as hell isn't going to work for me. Not with all of the morons trying to depress me with their small, tiny head, douchebagel issues. I might see Emmeline, that would be okay, wouldn't it? I guess, okay so right here, left here and then down a few staircases and another right at the end of the corridor, yeah that's right.  
The suits of armour are kinda creepy. Eh just stare at you like 'I seeeee youuuuu! I'm a creepy suit of armour and I'll scare the crap outta you when I creak in the middle of the night, yay!" Okay so that's probably not the most accurate sentence given that they don't actually have eyes. Or brains, or- oh shit

"Hey Dorkass!" We'll shit, here we go...

"Get your head out of ass, Marlene, it's not a hat" now she's pissed, well perfect, a pissed off Marlene 'queen of the whole bloody school' McKinnon

"DORCAS!"

"What, Marlene?" Please leave please leave please please

"I need your help" quick think of an insult- wait what?

"What?" Very eloquent, well done me.

"I said I need your help" Well that was unexpected.

"No." Nicely done, short snappy. Hard to respond.

"You can say no to me!" We'll see about at Miss You Can't Say No To Me

"Yes I can!" Walk away walk away

"You can just go swanning off!" Well screw you

"Yes I can, this is me, swanning off" keep going, don't stop to stare at the interesting tapestry with the very nice delicate stitches and- shit, she caught up.

"Stop, please Dorcas" is that, pleading? Hmmm, I think some fun may be had here

"What happened to Dorkass?" Nice, don't let her know anything.

"Um...eh..." What an excellent vocabulary Miss McKinnon has.

"Yes, I thought so, now, what the hell do you need my help with?" Shit, I sound like I'll help her, not helpful!

"Um...I need glasses." Glasses? Seriously, that's it?

"You have got to be kidding" nice incredulity there. Good, pat on the back, gold star.

"Well you...have good taste' is it nice the lemon your sucking on? " and I don't want my friends to know" ah...end of summer term year seven glasses crisis. That's...more normal an explanation than I was expecting.

"...okay then... Why would I help you? What's in it for me?" God, speak like that much more and I'll sound Slytherin. Wow, she really does have the most hilarious facial expressions.

"I'll...stop bothering you" okay that's good enough for me

"I'm in" wow, no need to sound eager.

"Let's go then" wait what? Like now? Okay, I can work with that...

"Yeah, let's" wow we're getting some strange looks. Left, right, right, left, down that stupid long path and right again, now we' re at the eye healers. Or whatever the hell their calling them now. She's already got her exam, now all she needs is the frames. Lovely. Those ones look quite nice, the round ones. Hold them up to her face...yep. Another lovely choice made by moi. Just convincing her to trust me will be- oh. She's buying them. That's weird. Walking out silently, definite awkwardness in the air. Not exactly new but hey ho. Back up to the castle. Talking awkwardly. Again, not unusual. Walking away three, four, five step- wait what? She wants to hang out with me?

"Who are you and what have you done with Marlene McKinnon?" Nicely done.

"I may or may not have locked her in a closet and stolen her uniform" well, we may be friends yet Miss Cool New Glasses. Follow her, it would be weird otherwise. Left, right. Stairs, left, left, stairs, right. Whoa her room is big. Well, dorm room but oh well. Who are her roommates? uh...Lily Evans, bitch, Emmeline Vance, not so bitchy, and uh...Mary...Mary...Mary something or other. What the hell is she doing with an iPod? She's a pureblood princess, and she has an iPod? The hell? Sitting on her bed, iPod headphone in one of our ears, singing along to All time low, Therapy. She has a surprisingly good voice for such a bitch. Last chorus, awesomeness is radiating off us- oh. Is that, Lily Evans? She hates me too. Fantastic. Oh well. I have my epic song to sing too with my epic new bestie. Oh dear lord did I really just think that?


End file.
